BECOMING CONFIDENT TWEEN/TEENS IS ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT SKILLS THAT A CHILD CAN MASTER
Why do you need strategies for confident tweens/teens? Because it is a valuable skill that will help them through life. A confident, self-assured child would be a dream, right? However, they do not come out like that. I mean, maybe a few children come out outgoing, social, and full of courage and belief in themselves, but most do not. However, confidence can be learned and built. And it is important for a child’s success in the future. Positivity and self-esteem go hand in hand with confidence.
Does confidence go the same way for children of all ages? No, it does not. Babies build their confidence when they start to lift their heads and discover that they have fingers and toes. Then before you know it, toddlers build confidence by learning to crawl and walk and realize that they have the freedom to get around, and so on. But as children get older, go to school, and get out in the world without a parent by their side, they need a whole new set of skills. The first and most valuable of those skills is confidence! This skill in tweens and teens is something that needs to be worked on continually.
Now the next question is how. How do you help your children to build this most important skill? You cannot give them courage, self-esteem, and a belief in themselves.
Here are 8 ways to help your child along on this journey…
MODEL CONFIDENCE
I have this item as the first strategy because I believe that building your child up begins with the parents. What if they have a parent who is too scared to ask for what they need, who puts up with behaviors that they do not like from others? Your child will imitate that because that is what behavior you are modeling for them. Are you negative or positive? Chances are your child will follow the same mindset. A wonderful way for your child to learn confident behavior is for you to model it for them. Ask for that raise. Set some boundaries with others. Show your child what it means to be self-assured.
GET YOUR CHILD TO PRACTICE ASSERTIVENESS
This is an interesting idea. How does one “practice” being assertive? This is what I mean. One of my sons was a very shy youngster. It is hard for him to do many things that came easy to others. He was overcome by his fears at times. It took years and practice situations to become a more confident teen. He practices using his voice among friends. letting them know when he does not agree. One way that he learned to use that voice and create boundaries was by playing video games (hard to believe, right?). School situations were another place. Some situations come up here and there with friends that require assertiveness. And finally, in school with teachers is a great person that your child can learn to practice assertiveness. To learn to speak up and not be invisible, to ask questions, and advocate for yourself is great practice.
WORK ON DEVELOPING CONFIDENT TWEENS/TEENS BY TRYING NEW THINGS AND SITUATIONS
One of the ways that children can build themselves up is by practicing. Learning new things to do for themselves. For instance, this morning my younger son (the “tween”), learned to make his own toaster waffles. Seems simple right? But I could see that he enjoyed learning how to do something new that he could do by himself. And his confidence meter went up just a little bit. I think of new tasks regularly for my tween and my teen. Not only does it teach them how to “adult”, but also every activity also that they learn with success helps them to feel self-assured and more confident.
TEACH THEM TO SELF-APPRECIATE
These days “self-love” is a term that is all the rage. How does that apply to confident tweens/teens? Learning to appreciate oneself is important. To realize that you are important, loved, smart, brave, and no matter what anyone in the world says. You just know it and you have nothing to prove. However, I know personally that this is easier said than done. People are much harder on themselves than anyone else at times. One strategy to arm your children with the knowledge to appreciate themselves is to teach them affirmations. To take time each day to remind themselves that they are enough.
DEVELOP CONFIDENT TWEENS/TEENS BY PROMOTING A GROWTH MINDSET
Arming your child with a growth mindset is a great strategy for confidence building. As an adult, I love having a growth mindset. I personally believe that you can and should never stop learning in the school of life. There are several ways for your teens and tweens to embrace a growth mindset. They should understand that failure is a part of the journey. It is part of the lesson. Children should embrace trying new activities, meeting new people, and doing things that scare them. Not really scary activities, but activities that are out of their comfort zone and require bravery and courage. New situations and new people will always contribute to growth.
Here is a helpful article that gives exercises and worksheets to aid in these confidence building strategies!
https://positivepsychology.com/self-esteem-worksheets/
ENCOURAGEMENT & PRAISE TRYING
When children struggle with being confident and knowing their worth, it is really hard for them to do things that come easy to others, such as starting a conversation with new people. They can do it. However, it may take a few tries for them to accomplish the task. I think that it is a great idea to give praise and encouragement when they show effort. In other words, let them know that you noticed that they are trying. Those little bits of encouragement that they get for branching out will help to build their confidence! And realize that different things are harder for different people so that you know what to recognize as an accomplishment.
Now how much praise is too much? I have asked myself that question. What I found in researching is a wonderful video from the Center for Parent and Teen Communication. The video explains how to praise and the 7 C’s of Resilience. It is really worth the watch!
BUILD SELF-ESTEEM AND POSITIVITITY BY TRYING AND TRYING AGAIN
Confidence and self-esteem are built over time. And ask much as it can be built, unfortunately, it can be knocked down. I have seen many examples of this. The elementary years can be brutal because kids can say really mean things. As a result, the confidence and self-worth of the child will take a hit. Above all, it is important to be supportive when these things happen. In addition, let them get their feelings out about it (it is okay to be upset over a situation!). But then promote resilience and confidence-building activities and teach them to understand that it is okay to get knocked down and that you just get back up.
CATCHING THEM DOING SOMETHING GOOD IS A GREAT WAY TO DEVELOP CONFIDENT TWEENS/TEENS!
This is an idea that I picked up from my children’s elementary school. Catch your child doing something good! For example, when I see my children doing chores without being asked, I will “catch them” and complement. Also, I will catch them showing kindness or holding a door for others, using manners, and being generous. The opportunities are endless, and I love “catching” them.
SOME PEOPLE ARE BORN WITH CONFIDENCE, AND SOME BUILD IT OVER TIME….BUT WE CAN ALL HAVE IT!
The best thing way to help a child to build confidence is simply to show them that you care and that you believe in them. Many people who have not had supportive people in their life sometimes run across that one teacher, family member, or other adults that give them time, listen and show them that they believe in them. BE THAT PERSON! Instead of criticizing and complaining, model confidence, show another person how to do something, let them know that it is okay to fail at something, and try again! Doing these things can make all the difference in the world in building confidence in any child.
I hope that these tips are helpful to you in building your confident tweens/teens! Try and see what works for you!
Mrs. Accountable
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Dee | Grammy's Grid says
Seems like kids today have so much more peer pressure than when I was a kid. Maybe not really but it just seems like it. Thanks so much for linking up with me at the Unlimited Link Party 28. Pinned!
Bethany @ Happily Loco says
I love these ideas! I have always struggled a lot with self-esteem, and the one thing I really wanted for my daughter was for her to be confident and not struggle as I did. She has autism and has overcome so many obstacles–we’re proud of her, but I am so glad so realizes how capable she is!
cbrooks0312@comcast.net says
i am so glad that it helped! So many kids struggle with self-confidence and I want to help them overcome it in any way that I can. 🙂