CAN CHILDREN BE INDEPENDENT AT ANY AGE? YES, THEY CAN!
Teaching kids to be independent is not as easy as it sounds. I mean, I like doing things for the kids. And it is faster. And easier. It takes time and patience to teach children how to do just about anything. But in the grand scheme of things, I know that the ultimate guide is for them to become responsible adults. There are so many things for them to learn to get to that point. So, when do you start teaching children independence? There are many opinions on that. Preschool age is a good time to start teaching. Thinking of toddlers, it seems a little crazy, but I think that it is possible to start the lifetime learning of the skill of being self-reliant and therefore build confidence in their abilities.
HOW TO YOU START TEACHING CHILDREN TO BE AUTONOMOUS?
Let me count the ways. I am a huge advocate for giving kids the opportunities to lead, grow, and problem solve. How you accomplish this will be determined by age. Think back to the above when I mentioned the preschool-aged child. What can they do independently? Lots! The first thing to start with here is toys and books. Encourage them to put them away when they are done. Is it easier some days to scoop them up and do it yourself? Yes! By allowing the child to learn and master this skill will help to build confidence and learn to be a little more independent.
As the kids get older, you can change the tasks to suit the age. For the 8-10 crowd, let them get the mail. Also, for the teen crowd, let them wash the car. Model independence and problem solving for them. If they run out of soap for the car, what do you do? Let them work through the process of figuring it out. Give them things to do in the kitchen. When you heat up lunch, let your child use the microwave. Let them pour their own milk. What happens if they spill it? Let the child have the responsibility of figuring out the next step. Any small task can start to build on your child being independent.
USE CHORES AND EVERYDAY HOUSEHOLD TASKS TO BUILD INDEPENDENCE SKILLS
Household chores are the perfect way to build up the skills of being self-sufficient and self-dependent. It gives them a sense of pride to pitch in and become a responsible family member. There are many ideas of chores for all ages. I am a fan of rotating chores every so often so that they learn new things. For instance, have one child take out the garbage, and one child empties the dishwasher. Will they do it perfectly? No! Will they do it just like you? No! Will they learn to be confident in their actions and more independent? Yes! Make it fun. Tell them they did a good job. There is pride in knowing that they are a part of a functioning household and doing their part, all on their own!
In addition to chores, there are other ways to develop independence in children. When you go to a restaurant, let your child order their food. Let them choose something. Let them cut their food. If they need a hand and ask for it and if they cannot problem solve it, of course, give the help. But wait for the ask because they can do it. Another idea is to let the child make some choices about their bedroom décor. Better yet make a deal…if they keep their room clean then they can choose something to decorate like a poster or decals. The ways to promote independence are endless. Be creative!
Take a look at this article by Psychology Today, which features the benefits of children and independence.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-power-prime/201011/parenting-raise-independent-children
SHOW YOUR INDEPENDENT KIDS HOW TO MANAGE MONEY & TO COOK
Teaching kids to manage money and to cook are fantastic ways to promote independent behavior. And they are never too young to start either of these. I love having the kids make something in the kitchen. Just today my 9-year-old made M&M-covered caramel apples. They also love making brownies and a few other things. My 14-year-old is in hybrid school currently and can make himself lunch while Mom works in the other room. As a matter of fact, he also made me lunch a few times. Empowering children with these skills helps them to be self-sufficient and they are proud of their accomplishment which breeds confidence. Take the time to teach them a few recipes and let them give it a shot. Not good in the kitchen? No problem! There are lots of great cooking classes and school for kids.
Also, worth a huge mention is teaching kids about money. As a CPA I believe that this one skill can take a child far in life. How do you teach children about money? You can read all the steps here. The way that you get started. My kids started with “money jars”. Literally jars with lids and stickers on the front. We have used those jars for years. When money is received for a birthday or earned, it goes into that jar. If the jars get too full, we take them to the bank and deposit the funds into their savings accounts. If they want to buy something, they go to the jar and take out the money. It is a simple system, but it works. And it teaches the basic principles and best of all will teach them to save. We treat it as a “self-government” system of their funds.
TEACH YOUR INDEPENDENT KIDS TO SET GOALS AND FOLLOW UP ON THOSE GOALS
Independence is intertwined with many other life skills. One of those skills is goal setting. Goal setting is self-direction combined with individuality. A good area for goal setting is homework. Consider allowing your child to set the structure and schedule of how they handle the work. Teach them self-care by deciding when they take a break and when to get back to work. Just as long as they get it done, give them a little space on how it gets done. Do not get me wrong, I am all about a routine. But I have found that giving choices allows the child to feel some control and start making their own choices. Like I said before, letting them make choices is hard. But not “helping” is necessary for the skill of independence to be mastered.
KEEP CHANGING THE RESPONSIBILITIES FOR YOUR INDEPENDENT KIDS
To keep the independence building going, make a rotation and change up the exercises occasionally. This will ward off boredom and keep it interesting. There are so many skills that children will need as adults, so the opportunities never run out for independence building. Therefore, implement a rotation of the responsibilities to keep it interesting.
Here is a great video from Michigan State University, expanding on why and how to promote independence in children.
IN TRAINING YOUR INDEPENDENT KIDS, MISTAKES AND FAILURE IS OKAY
This is a big thing to remember. While building independence in children, they will fail. They will make mistakes. This is a great time to model behavior for them and build the confidence that they can overcome mistakes and failure. They will make these in real life, we all do. What better time to let them figure out how to problem solve if things do not work out and understand that you can come back from a failure. They can learn and do better and it is so important to let them know that.
BE PROUD OF THEIR DECISION MAKING
When children start to make their own decisions, sometimes it may not be the decision that you would like. But as long as it is a safe and responsible decision, be proud of it. This will let the child be independent under your supervision and feel good about their choices. You should feel good about it too! This is a sign of growing up (hard to see sometimes, I know). But I also want to know that when I send them out in the word that they could be independent and confident in their choices and that makes me feel better than good.
In conclusion, independence is something that your child will use for their entire life. As much as we want to keep them small and do everything for them, at a point you will do your child a disservice by continuing to do that. At some point, they will have a job, and wouldn’t you love for your child to be confident and independent? Of course! At school, independence can be a huge asset so that they can make good choices, act responsibly, and know how to figure things out! There is no better place to build these skills than at home. Invest the time to start showing and teaching your child small skills that can build up to independence.
If you are interested in more articles about children and families….here are a few that you might like!
Teaching KIDS about MONEY! Get started NOW!
Teach children THANK-YOU notes now!
Wandering – Four ideas to try now!
How to make a SAFE GAMING SETUP for kids!
Dee | Grammy's Grid says
My daughter believes in teaching my grandbabies to be independent but of course when at our house we want to do everything for them. Thanks so much for linking up with me at the Unlimited Monthly Link Party 22. Shared!
Kimberlie says
This is an awesome post and I say that as a veteran teacher and mother. It is so important to teach children goal setting, accepting and handling failure as well as have changing responsibilities. Superb advice.
Adriane says
We really struggle with this at home. I am a bit of a control freak, and my young boys have gotten used to my doing everything for them. I need to be better about this.
Samatha says
Very Informative. Thank you for posting!
Dee | Grammy's Grid says
Visiting again to say thanks so much for linking up with me at the Unlimited Link Party 29. Pinned!