One of my favorite movies is “Fried Green Tomatoes”. It is quite the evolution of Kathy Bate’s character Evelyn. She starts the movie as a kind of pushover but by the end has found her inner confidence. One of the funniest scenes is the one at the grocery store where two younger women steal the parking spot that she patiently waited for. What happens next is hilarious, she runs into their car over and over and tells them off. It is the ultimate dream revenge for all those frustrating people out in the world. I love that character’s way of dealing with frustrating people.
Why do these abrasive type of people bother me so much?
There is no shortage of these types of people, and it is a problem as old as time. Everywhere you go…. work, school, restaurants, stores, on the road…there are always frustrating people somewhere in the mix. I have spent many years getting angry, stewing about whatever they do, and basically letting them ruin my day. At times I have been mad at myself for giving these people too much power. I try to explain it to my kids. Yes, these types of people are always present. And no, you shouldn’t let them ruin your day. It has taken me a long time to master this, I have many times let people ruin my day. But sometimes older is wiser…and I have learned a thing or two.
Here are a few ways to help in dealing with frustrating people:
Although it is easy to overreact when people “get under your skin”, I have learned not to react immediately. The first thing that I always do when I encounter frustrating people is to STEP BACK. Just take a moment, count to ten (or whatever works for you at the moment), and do not give the reaction that they are looking for. I believe that frustrating people are often frustrated with other things when you come into their world and they decide to take it out on you. Don’t be an easy target for them. They are looking for a reaction, so I try and not give them one. It is kind of like walking into a trap.
This brings me to tip #2 – THE POWER OF SILENCE. I most certainly consider this to be a “power” and it works well for me in many situations. Frustrating people is one of them. It goes back to not giving them a reaction. When people act angrily or aggressively towards me, I use the power of silence because it is hard for people to argue with themselves. If you aren’t engaging with them, they basically are listening to themselves talk and that can only go on for so long.
If those things do not work…try these:
The next thing that I keep in mind when dealing with a frustrating person is realizing that IT’S NOT ABOUT ME. Many times, when people come across to me as rude, defensive, generally frustrating to deal with, I remind myself that more often than not it is not about me. They may be dealing with other things that have made them angry and then bring that angry or defensive energy to you. I remind myself of the old saying “hurt people, hurt people” and find a way out of the situation as to not become their next victim.
My next suggestion is like much of my advice. It seems easy in theory, but in reality, it is far from it. Nevertheless, I suggest to LET IT ROLL OFF. This expression that I used originated from advice that I received in my workplace years ago. I was sensitive and took everything to heart. Things I was thinking about days later would be bothering me, not the other person involved. I learned over many years of dealing with frustrating people to let it roll off. I can now proudly say that I no longer spend energy worrying about other people’s problems. If there is something I should have done and did not, tell me. But I do not have time to worry about other people’s rude remarks or bad energy. It sounds simple but I promise you, this is very freeing and a good feeling of taking back your power.
Something to remind yourself of…
The next thing that I want to share is not so much a suggestion, but a reminder. IT IS NOT WORTH IT. Whatever the frustrating person does to bother you, let me repeat, it is not worth it. Anger towards the other person will ultimately hurt you, not them. In the grand scheme of life, any person that brings their bad energy your way is not worth your time. Yes, I know all too well, especially in the workplace, you can’t always easily get away from them. But you do have the power to maintain your composure and go on about your day without someone ruining it for you.
A final suggestion that I personally used just this week is to APPROACH FRUSTRATING AND DEFENSIVE PEOPLE IN A DIFFERENT WAY. For example, in my situation, the person that I was dealing with on a normal has a quite aggressive and arrogant attitude. In this situation, in my first approach, I most certainly understood that he was on the defense. So, I took a bit of time and decided to adjust my approach. Come at it in a different way to get the same result. I did this, and it worked. I got him to do what I needed, without him realizing it. It is a good feeling in the end. I took back my power and reminded myself who is responsible for my happiness.
When you are in this situation, don’t allow these type people to ruin your day.
I hope that these ideas and suggestions help you as they have me. It has been a very long work in progress, but I no longer allow other people to decide how my day will go. Everywhere you go, everything you do, you will always find a frustrating person to deal with. When you do, remember to step back, use the power of silence, and remember that their rudeness or anger is not about you. Try not to be sensitive, let it roll off, and remind yourself that it is not worth it to deal with this person and exit the situation as soon as you can. Finally, if you must deal with a frustrating person continually, try a different approach so that they are not able to take a defensive stance. Hopefully, this advice will allow you to never let another frustrating person ruin your day.
Mrs. Accountable
Adrian says
Great tips! I have a son who is on the low end of the spectrum and he can drive me crazy sometimes. We’ve finally started therapy and his therapist gently reminded me that I can’t expect him to behave normally because he simply isn’t capable of it. So some of these techniques will be helpful.