IS YOUR FAMILY OVERSCHEDULED AND AT RISK OF BURNOUT?
How do you get overscheduled burned-out families? Just like most people, when I had my first child, I had all the hopes and dreams for what I wanted for him. When my family started I worked full-time. At the time that my first son was born, I took a part-time position to adjust to becoming a new mom. As I settled into both of those roles, it was pretty smooth sailing, for awhile. Fast forward a couple of years and I thought, my son needs to get out and socialize. I started him in classes at a local place where toddlers could take classes or have free play each week. It was manageable but as I look back, I can see that this was the beginning of what became what I feel is burnout due to overscheduling. My children are now a tween/teen, and this is where we are.
CAN FAMILIES BECOME OVERSCHEDULED WITH ACTIVITIES?
There are many articles and perspectives on overscheduling. It can be a bit of a controversial topic. And really it is different for all families as a whole. This post is based on my experiences and I understand that others could be different. My experience is that as the years went on, the activities became more and more. While we did enjoy most of them, combined at times it felt like we had less and less time at home.
Here’s how it goes with how you can end up with an overscheduled burned-out families. First, it was little league. When I grew up, we went to little league once a week. For my children, it was practice twice a week with games on Saturday. And with practices that went as late as 8:30 at night. Then came music lessons. As the children get older, whatever activity they have been in becomes more demanding with long hours and multiple days. So here is an example of what I mean. Pre-covid, here was the actual schedule for my children while I worked extra hours during tax season January – April.
PRE-COVID EXTRACURRICULAR SCHEDULE
MONDAY – student band practice for older son at church
TUESDAY – scouts for younger son
WEDNESDAY – music lesson for older son
THURSDAY – indoor drumline lesson for older son
FRIDAY – home
SATURDAY – basketball for one, indoor drumline for other
SUNDAY – church (early), youth group (late)
MOST DAYS – homework for both
Now I don’t force activities. The children choose these, and I try to accommodate them. But along with two working parents, and one a business owner with even more demanding hours of my own, this schedule was hard to keep up with. But we pressed on. When COVID-19 arrived on the scene, every one of these activities came to a halt. And while we did not enjoy being forced inside, we did enjoy the break in the schedule. We spend more time as a family, had movie nights and board game nights. It was unanimous that we all enjoyed the freedom. And we started giving serious thought to the fact that our family had been overscheduled and burned out. This really felt like a break from the chaos. It was very eye-opening to realize that our family as a whole could benefit from paring things down.
WHAT ELSE ADDS TO OVERSCHEDULING?
In addition to all of the above-listed activities and jobs that can lead to overscheduled burned-out families, there are actually many other things that lead to this sense of an overwhelming schedule. December is a huge example of this. It seems like all of those activities and jobs have some time of holiday gathering. In addition to the activities. And then add the family gatherings. There are times when it would be physically impossible to be at all the places. While I enjoy the holidays this was really a sore spot with me. It left us with no time to enjoy the holidays as a family. I felt like we gave all of our energy away to others and left nothing for ourselves. The last couple of years I have had “SAY NO” Decembers, where we try and attend minimal activities so that we can actually enjoy the month without being burned out.
Other things can contribute as well, such as work and extended family obligations. The list is really endless on the things that can be demanding of your time.
EFFECT OF OVERSCHEDULING TO YOUR FAMILY
I can see now what the effects of overscheduling were doing to my own family. I am curious as to what they were on society as a whole so I did a little research. What I found was that there are a lot of differing opinions about this topic. On the one hand, the heavy schedules could leave kids too tired and stressed out with no downtime. But others say that too much downtime leads to too much screen time and the busy schedules teach time management. Who is right on how to avoid overscheduled burned-out families? Only you can decide.
I found a good article by Psychology Today that demonstrates the different ideas about overscheduling. And weighs the benefits vs. the risks. They have an interesting perspective on both sides of the issue.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/suffer-the-children/201408/overscheduled-kids
WHAT CAN YOUR FAMILY DO TO AVOID BURNOUT?
The main thing in deciding what is right for your family is to sit down and talk about it. Do the kids feel like they would like more time at home? Do you feel like you are doing too much? If so, make a list of everything that you do and start evaluating. Is there anything that is not enjoyed as much that could be cut? We did this very exercise and once normal schedules resume, ours will be reduced. On the flip side, if you find yourself with less of a schedule, go on family walks, or have a campfire outside. Teach your kids to cook, at home beside you. While some screen time is fine, family time is even better. This next video has some great tips on what can be done to find that balance.
IS BALANCE POSSIBLE?
Wrapping it up, I can see both sides of the issue. Right now, we are still in COVID restrictions with limits on activities, and some things are done virtually. We will not cancel extracurricular or enrichment activities, or family or work events. What we will do is maybe fewer items on the schedule, and a plan a little more family and free time. Our goal is to find the balance between the two. Is that possible? I like to think so. I like to think that we can enjoy both activities, gatherings, and home time.
What I have learned though, is that it takes some effort and planning. Don’t forget to put downtime on the calendar. For example, with my December experiment, I realized that I actually really liked doing fewer activities around the holidays. So now my family still attends some activities, but try to keep them limited. Also, because Christmas festivities generally start right after Thanksgiving, we try to plan a couple of activities during that time (pre-December), before they get really busy. It is more enjoyable when we stretch out the gatherings and activities a bit. Finally, before we begin new activities, we talk with the kids and see how they feel about the time commitment. The right amount of activities is a family affair!
BUT WAIT…IF YOU NEED SOME NEW IDEAS, TRY THESE POSTS FOR NEW IDEAS FOR FAMILY TIME!
Family Dinners – why you should have more!
Wandering – Four ideas to try now!
Movie Night with Family – Why you should plan one!
Adriane says
I am the queen of overscheduling. My friend kindly pointed out that I was trying to squeeze three lifetimes into one, and not in the greatest way. The pandemic has really slowed us down, and I have to say, I kind of like it.
cbrooks0312@comcast.net says
Same! My kids have asked me before to just plan “home time”. We are trying to find a better compromise.
Dee | Grammy's Grid says
I don’t know how modern day families do it, both parents usually working, the kids all involved in sports and/or some type of class. Then supper and homework. So much to do in one day!! Thanks so much for linking up with me at the Unlimited Monthly Link Party 22. Shared!