By: Catherine Brooks
WHY DOES IT MATTER IF YOU HAVE A RESPONSIBLE CHILD?
WHEN SHOULD YOU START TEACHING RESPONSIBILITY?
11 THINGS TO DO TO HELP PROMOTE ACCOUNTABILITY AND GOOD CHOICES
HOW DO YOU GET A RESPONSIBLE CHILD?
Wouldn’t it be nice if a responsible child would appear before you, that they all turned out that way? When our little babies are born, I think that all parents envision the best possible future for their children. One where they grow up to be successful, trustworthy, reliable, and dependable. All things that would require them to be a responsible human being. As the years go on, reality hits. And we realize that they don’t just come out that way. Responsibility has to be taught and modeled. For some kids, it comes naturally. And for others, it doesn’t. But never fear! There are steps that you can take to turn that squishy cute baby into a productive and responsible teen and then adult.
WHAT IS RESPONSIBILITY?
Merrian-Webster has a few definitions of responsibility. In this post, we are talking about “a duty or task that you are required or expected to do”. For children, that applies to much of their life. They are constantly told and directed what to do. However, will they do those things when you are not around? Your child needs to learn responsibility because you will not always be there to make sure they do what they need to do all of the time. Your child will eventually grow up and do things without you.
When my sons were young it was hard to imagine that one day that they would move on without me. But children will eventually go to school, college, jobs, to a friend’s house, to camp and many other places without you. To put focus and effort into training them to make good choices and do the right thing in the absence of someone telling them what to do.
WHY DOES IT MATTER IF YOU HAVE A RESPONSIBLE CHILD?
Teaching your child responsibility will shape who they become as an adult and how they behave. Whether you like it or not, they will grow up. Learning that they are capable and reliable can help to build your child’s self-esteem. Learning how to be responsible at home can help to shape their ability to make good decisions and to become capable human beings who contribute to the world. Having an obedient child is not enough because the day will come when they will have to make choices and decisions on their own.
WHEN SHOULD YOU START TEACHING RESPONSIBILITY?
Every child is different, so there is no foolproof model for this. Of course, this is up to personal judgment when a child is ready. In my personal experience, you can start very young (toddler age) with small tasks to show your child that everyone in the family contributes to the household. Similarly, as they grow older give age-appropriate tasks that they can learn from. Show them how to be accountable for their choices. And that the wrong choice will have a consequence. Doing these exercises over and over through the years will condition the child to make good choices on their own, and therefore practice responsibility.
11 THINGS TO DO TO HELP PROMOTE ACCOUNTABILITY AND GOOD CHOICES
There are many things to go on this list and to consider to parent responsible kids. Here are some that can be repeated and adjusted for age as they grow:
- DON’T GIVE TOO MUCH HELP! We are all guilty of this. Just doing a task to get it done. Because it is easier. But children need to learn and to practice many tasks to get to adulthood. What better way for them to learn than under your supervision! For example, younger kids can put toys away in the toy box. Older children can have household chores that are done regularly.
- TEACH THE SKILLS WITH GENTLE GUIDANCE – Obviously you will have to demonstrate (sometimes a few times) the tasks. This is a great time to practice your own parental patience. It may take them a long time to do the task. It may be messy or not the way that you would do it. But learning the task will not only with this give your child life skills, it also it a great time to connect with them. For instance, cook a meal together. Have them help you straighten up the house. You can make it fun.
- EVERY ACTIVITY IS A LEARNING OPPORTUNITY – I truly look at any activity done by my sons as a learning opportunity. My boys are now 10 & 15, so they are able to help with repairs, run the vacuum, unload the dishwasher, and many more. Any time something comes up to be done, I try to include them to at least show how it is done. They pack their own lunches and are responsible for their own schoolwork. Even when we go on vacation, I look for learning opportunities with new places to explore and activities that they haven’t done.
While doing these tasks, keep in mind that you are shaping a child’s future. What seems like a small task can contribute to how they conduct themself in the future.
- SET BOUNDARIES AND EXPECTATIONS – This is something that needs to happen in the household pretty early on. I have seen it happen time and again where teenagers are out of control. They don’t understand boundaries or show respect. Even the youngest of children can begin to understand what is expected of them (toys go back in the bin when playing is done), and to treat people and their things respectfully. If not, there should be consequences to let them know that this is not acceptable. In other words, don’t make the mistake of waiting to the teen years and thinking that these things will be understood if they haven’t in the past.
- LET YOUR CHILD PROBLEM SOLVE – Learning how to problem solve is a very important life skill that will affect so many things in your child’s life and will enhance the skillset of a responsible child. This skill is something that needs to be encouraged and be practiced, under your supervision. They next time a problem or issue arises in your household, let your child help to figure out how to solve the problem. Doing this will let them build confidence and therefore understand that problems can be solved, that these are not impossible situations. If they never practice doing this, how will they suddenly be able to do it when they are on their own? Help them to work on their independence and learn how to problem solve.
And now a much debated topic…
- ASSIGN AGE-APPROPRIATE CHORES TO YOUR CHILD – I am a firm believer of this! I believe that it teaches a number of things. First, it helps with the understanding that everyone should contribute to the good of the household, it does not just fall on one person. Second, it teaches them how to have a good work ethic and combat laziness. There is a debate on chores being paid vs. not paid, and this is post is not for that. In our household we have a combination of both. Some are expected as a member of the hoursehold, and others are extra things such as washing or vacuuming the car, to earn extra funds to save up for something that they want. A couple of notes about chores…newsflash, kids don’t like them! They think that it is so much better to have these things done for them. And who wouldn’t, right? But starting early, setting the expectation that everyone contributes, will allow them to understand that yes, I don’t like these, but it is necessary. I also believe that chores combat entitlement and over indulgence. These activities let them know that everyone contributes.
Remember that while your kids may not like chores, many lessons can be learned that can be learned and it will be easier later when the go to school or get a job to understand what work is.
Don’t know how to get your child motivated? Take a look at this Youtube video from Jodi Aman and she gives some great strategies to get them going.
- ROUTINES ARE KING! This goes hand in hand with setting those clear expectations. Set a household routine on how things are done, and when they should be done. Now do understand, if things get off schedule, just roll with it and try to get back on track. Life happens. But routines are so helpful to so that kids know what is expected of them, when that is expected, and how it should be done. If they know that they should do a load of laundry a week, set a day for it. Laundry happens Friday. Routines make things clear and reduce confusion.
- MODEL RESPONSIBLE BEHAVIOUR AS A PARENT – Us parents are all perfect, right? Of course not. We are human. So there are times that we may make a bad choice or do the wrong thing. It’s okay. Try to make it right when these things happen. Just try to conduct yourself responsibly and model good behavior for your child. This may seem like a no-brainer, but just take a look at the news and you will see many parents making irresponsible choices and not being accountable for their behavior. Just do your best to set a good example, and be aware there your children are always watching and learning from your example.
- CATCH THEM DOING SOMETHING GOOD! This will go a long way when teaching your child responsibility. Not only should you correct them when that are wrong, but catch them doing something right! Keep it positive! Let them know that they did a good job. Doing this will teach your child to take pride in their work! Trust me, they will work harder to do a good job, to get the reward of the praise.
And now one tip that you might think is strange…
- LET THEM FAIL! – Now why would you want your child to fail? You want this because everything that they try in life will not be a success. Kids need to learn not only to win, but to lose well. Learn from that failure. Deal with it without dwelling on it. There is no better time to teach this than at home. I believe that failure is part of every process. You learn the lesson and move on. They will experience failure sometime in life, so they should learn how to deal with it. A responsible child will learn how to manage failure.
- LET THEM MANAGE THEIR OWN MONEY – I started this very young with my children. They both have their own “money jar” (literally jars that I bought at the dollar store). Anytime that they earn money, get money for a birthday or for Christmas, they put it in the jar. Occasionally we take that money to the bank and put it in their bank account (we actually have the child make the deposit at the bank), and they can also pull from their jar if they want to buy something like a game. My 15 year old son now has his own checking account and has moved his money there. He manages this with supervision and it has been a great lesson for him.
OTHER THINGS TO KEEP IN MIND
I know that is a lot of information. But there are so many things that parents can do to work towards helping your child grow into a responsible adult. Parental involvement is key in their success. Don’t just think that they automatically know what should be done and how to do it.
Here are some other things to remember on this long journey of working towards having a responsible child:
- Set expectations (I said it before, saying it again because it is important)
- Let them practice the skills, with your supervision while giving feedback
- Let them have a voice. Feeling seen and heard goes a long way in building their confidence and self esteem!
- It will not be perfect…nothing is.
- They will make mistakes, it is part of the learning process
- Give feedback – let them know how they are doing
- Teach them to value their things and not take them for granted
- Give them natural consequences – you mess it up, you clean it up
WHERE TO TEACH THESE SKILLS
One thing that I haven’t mentioned is where a child would learn to be dependable and reliable, and make the best choices. That answer is…everywhere! At home, at school, in the community, with friends, with family…and everywhere! There are opportunities all day every day to practice these skills. Learning responsibility can start in the home but spread everywhere in your and their life.
CONCLUSION
Raising a responsible child is not a one-and-done task to mark off of the parenting list. Above all, it is many years of modeling, teaching, and practicing. Setting expectations and boundaries will be key to your success. Stepping back and letting failure and mistakes happen won’t be easy. But even when you look at those baby toddler adorable faces, remember that they will grow up and become adults. In other words, take a moment today to picture what you want them to become and invest the time with your kids to provide them with a future where they can do the best things for themselves, and for the world. Keep in mind that you are empowering them with skills that they will need in the future.
I hope that you loved this post! I am passionate about investing time in children that turn them into fantastic adults that put great things into the world. If you would like to read more, please take a look at some of my other posts.
OTHER POSTS THAT YOU MAY ENJOY!
- CONFIDENT TWEENS/TEENS – 8 AMAZING STRATEGIES!
- EMPOWER YOUR TEENAGER-GET STARTED NOW!
- Teaching KIDS about MONEY! Get started NOW!
- Teach children THANK-YOU notes now!
- INDEPENDENT KIDS-How to encourage it!
- Movie Night with Family – Why you should plan one!
- OVERSCHEDULED burned-out families vs. BALANCE
- Making Memories with a FAMILY GAME NIGHT!
Would you like more inspiration? Follow my facebook page, Instagram, and Pinterest! If you would like to join other parents of tweens and teens for support, join my facebook group!
Pin for later!
Chrissy says
Teaching responsibility is so important! My son went to a Montessori kindergarten where he was taught to help himself. He is now very independent at the age of four and does many things by himself.
cbrooks0312@comcast.net says
I love this! Something like helping himself can stick with them for years to come! I love that he is independent as a result.
Kratika jain says
Wow, So thoughtful post. I have an 11-months old daughter and will definitely gonna follow these coming up.
Thanks
cbrooks0312@comcast.net says
She will grow up faster than you know! Enjoy every moment and start in the toddler years in teaching responsibility.
Meghan says
These tips are all extremely important. I especially agree with letting them fail, letting them problem solve and not giving too much help. All of these help boost confidence and independence, as well as responsibility! Thanks so much for sharing!